









My Personal Blog Log


The first song on Miwa Gemini’s new record, “Picnic,” is a somewhat creepy song that brings to mind Tom Waits (but with a better singer) and Bjork (but with more linear songwriting). After all that quiet longing, the record transports us to barroom blues/country, with “Traveling Man” (“My man’s a traveling man/He don’t tell me where he’s been/But it’s not hard to find out where he’s been/He leaves a trail of broken hearts”). Right after that comes “Something Ordinary:” A sad, old-style ballad. And I’m thinking, “Who is this chick?”

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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Imperial Leather. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish.
They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Maid.
I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap.
When I got back to my room this evening, found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Imperial Leather, so I won’t need those 6 little Camays, which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
Please remove them.
S. Berman
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don’t get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That’s the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the Bathroom shelf.
In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.
Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room, including my own bath-size Imperial Leather. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman.
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Imperial Leather.
Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here?
All I want is my bath-size Imperial Leather.
Please give me back my bath-size Imperial Leather.
S. Berman.
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
On the shelf under the medicine cabinet, 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. On the Kleenex dispenser, 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On the bedroom dresser, 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside the medicine cabinet, 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In the shower soap dish, 6 Camay, very moist.
On the northeast corner of the tub, 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On the northwest corner of the tub, 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted.
Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip over.
May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Imperial Leather which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman